Hello folks, Raj here. Finally, my dream of posting my own story has come true. I used to dream about losing my virginity, and currently, I am 19. Jacking off to porn, imagining scenarios, people, etc feels so naive and stupid now, I feel like after the incident I’ve come out a better person.
This is not just a random story that you may read or hear somewhere. It’s an experience, learning lesson and close to my heart. And ya take notes too. I am damn sure it’ll be helpful to you at some point in time.
Hi! I am Raj, 19 years old, skinny guy with wheatish complexion. My height is 5’9. I am an introvert as well as an extrovert because usually, I don’t like to be the center of attention of any conversation. I just like to lay back, chill and enjoy my own space.
At the same time, I am not afraid of stepping on a stage because. I am a theatre actor and just love it when the crowd is amazed by my act, actions or words. Not bragging but I am a delight to watch as per people’s opinion. But still, I am quite awkward and silent in most of my conversations.
I am the type of guy who doesn’t know how to ride a bike. I am not officially on social media. I don’t even drink or smoke (except for occasional hookah and Breezer) and coin-sized experience with girls. It takes time for people to vibe with me. Many times they get me wrong because I have a dark aura.
But I have a wicked sense of humor which is my trump card to sweep people off their feet. In short, I am a weird lanky guy with a good dress sense, cute face (no beard yet), cool hairstyles. I am always lowkey and chilled. This is how some of my college girls have described me.
Coming to the story. I passed my school in Uttarakhand. I came to Dehradun, 300 km away from my home for my graduation and learning theatre in 2018. Like everybody, I too had great expectations from my college. I thought I would bang all the hot chicks in my college.
I would become the coolest badass this college has ever seen. I’ll be the next big thing. But reality hit me hard when nothing went as per the plan. The girls weren’t that good. The hot ones were already taken and I didn’t even want to settle for a dumb and incompatible girl. I was just lost.
For the first year, I lived in a private boys hostel near my college. I hardly had any interest in talking to the girls at my college. The ones I was interested in were already dating some other douche. Guys and girls living in the college hostel were talking on WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook and even on Tinder.
But I had no interest in any of these. I didn’t even use WhatsApp till then. So each day passing I was getting frustrated whenever it came to girls. I was waiting for a filmy scene or some magic to happen, which didn’t.
While living in the hostel I met Dinesh, the person who got me in the situation where I got the girl. He was least interested in college girls. He had a so-called half girlfriend who was preparing for PMT in Dehradun. Dinesh was a skinny, introvert, short and a big-time kamina always lost somewhere.
He is from Rishikesh which is 60 km away from Dehradun. He used to spend a lot of time on Facebook and Instagram. And ya within six months, we became really good friends. So he took the challenge of setting me up with a girl. His half girlfriend made me talk to her really cute roommate.
We talked for a week, exchanged photos too. But she turned it down by saying it was affecting her studies. One day chilling in my hostel room Dinesh told me that I should change my old phone which was Samsung S Duos and get a new one. I gave it a thought and realized how come I haven’t changed my phone yet.
So the next week I got a brand new smartphone. Dinesh, who’s phone got wrecked in rain, was even happier than me. In a way, it became our phone. He installed all the social media apps and logged them with my newly made unofficial (fake) profiles and his genuine ones.
One day he was chatting on our phone with a girl (Manu) from Rishikesh. She asked for his number and she instantly called him. My phone rang, he answered. A few minutes later we both were talking to her. In between, I even cracked naughty jokes and presented my wicked humor which she loved.
We talked for 6 hours straight. Finally, we hung up and Dinesh went to sleep in his room. But curious me went through Manu’s profile. She wasn’t that attractive, which disappointed me. But the next moment I started scanning her friend list to see if I could find someone. And I found my lady ‘Subbu’.
Subbu was 5’5 tall, wheatish complexion with a busty curved body. I cannot tell her exact size but ya she was heavy in a good way. She is a bubbly, loud and free soul who loves new experiences and is pretty bold. So coming back to the story, I was drooling over her photos.
What gave me hope was her status showing ‘single’. So the next day I told Dinesh the whole story. The next moment he called Manu and explained to her the complete scenario. She told that both of them are really good friends and talk almost every day.
Subbu lately broke up with her boyfriend who was selected in the army. He couldn’t make up to Subbu’s expectations. She was studying nursing in Dehradun, just 20 km away from us. The following day Manu introduced her to both of us.
She jokingly told her about me having a crush on her to which she chuckled. I countered by saying ” Arey crush-vrush to sab time pass hai. Hum ishq karte hai woh bhi dil khol kar,” to which she laughed like hell. We exchanged contacts but didn’t talk that much.
Neither she texted me nor I was willing to (I didn’t want to come across needy). A few days passed, no talking. Manu was annoyed. Two weeks passed, it was 1 January 2019. I was at my friend’s house in my hometown and around 1:30 pm my mobile screen flashed Subbu.
I picked it up and in a relaxed tone I said, “Hello.” Bang! I hit the bull’s eye by talking engagingly and interestingly. In the middle when we were enjoying it the most, I told her that, “I gotta go and we’ll talk later.” I wanted her to crave it. I don’t know how people do the whole texting thing. It is not my cup of tea.
So for the next few days, I used to react on her WhatsApp status and she too replied. But I didn’t call her any day. On 8 Jan 2019, I was in my bed watching a movie. My phone rang and to my happiness, it was Subbu. The moment I picked it up she said,” Itna bhi kya attitude, ek bar call kar doge to pahad nahi tut jayega.”
And I was on cloud nine (Btw I have a personal diary in which I write everything. That’s why I remember these nuances so correctly). That was the day we started talking every day, exchanging photos, past stories, likes dislikes, porn, etc.
We had it clear since the beginning that we weren’t looking for love and just wanted to be friends. So after one long year of talking, 2-3 small meetings and a big fight which got us not talking at all for 4 months straight from September to December 2019.
In these four months, Dinesh almost left the college because of his family issues. I shifted in a 4 BHK flat along with my four classmates. I was now in 2nd year of my college, hitting on junior girls and talking to them led me nowhere.
All my friends where getting laid somehow and mocked me for being a virgin. They even offered me to visit a spa with them for a massage and banging hookers. But the last thing, I wanted to do was pay for sex.
There you cannot even kiss the girl without giving it a second thought, zero intimacy, and feelings. Just the thought of it was so shallow and filthy to me. I am someone who loves passionate sex where you have a connection with a girl. You vibe with each other. Even if it’s not ‘love’, there has to be some sort of common ground.
Guys, I’ve researched a lot and come up with a conclusion that random hookups and paying for sex are just useless. It feels empty and unsatisfactory at the end. Don’t believe me? Go on try and do let me know when you feel the same.
So the mocking started taking its toll on me. I was getting frustrated by their words. They made fun of the way I looked, my body, my incapability to ride a bike and even the way I walked. I couldn’t understand how is someone who has fucked whores for 2k, has a beard and smokes marijuana all day was better than me in any way.
I felt really low because of these comments. I could see I was getting glances from girls. Some of them even liked me which I could see in their body language. But I was so filled with the negative shit people fed me lately that I started losing the charm and felt drained, negative and fatigued for no reason.
I used to stalk Subbu between all these days. Watching her TikTok videos, dp, jack off thinking about her but didn’t call or text her even once. Even Manu used to insist that I should clear things up. But I just didn’t know how do I go for it and felt awkward too.
Meanwhile, I started cutting off the negative fuckers from my circle and stood at a distance from them. I started meeting new people and giving auditions nearby for plays and shows too. I started getting out of my comfort zone and working for my future goals. It was a hell of a depressing period of life.
Dinesh knew about everything. He told me to call Subbu and get back together. But by then I was stubborn and was happy to move on. On 23 December Dinesh called me and said, “Subbu will call you on the new year. Just pick up the call and make a fresh start.”
The day came, exactly one year ago where all these things started from 1 January 2020. My mobile screen flashed Subbu. I was watching Arjun Reddy. I pressed the power button and put my phone on silent. I was unsure of the decision I made but still, I didn’t call her that day.
On 6 January 2020, I finally decided to call Subbu and she answered. It was awkward for the first 5 minutes. But after that, we were back to our same old pace and talked like crazy. This time I invited her over to my place because I was so restless to meet her this time.
But she turned it down at the last moment saying she is uncomfortable to meet all 4 friends. I was too shy to ask for booking a hotel room. She wanted to see me alone that’s what got my attention. We started talking naughty.
She told me that she’ll bite my neck and give me a hickey so that I wouldn’t be able to hide it. After so many attempts I fixed 7th and 8th March 2020 as the days. Everyone would have left for Holi vacations and I could meet her in private at my place.
It is 25 February today.