Previous Part: The Transformation: The Birth of Chandrika
Warm kisses from Chandrika! I would highly recommend that you read the previous part of this gay sex story. What follows here continues where we left off earlier. So read on and enjoy. Please remember this is an honest and true story in every sense.
Afternoons were the most interesting time of the day. Numerous sessions with Kabir Bedi and Shashi Kapoor had me smiling and happy all day long. My sexual fantasies were all about handsome men making love to me, kissing me and touching me in my erogenous zones.
And guess what? The only woman in all these fantasies was me. I was a normal teenager and did like girls. But I was slightly more interested in mature men than school and college girls. I never avoided the opposite sex.
It was May 1987. A new family, The Subramanians, moved in next door. Uncle was also a Government servant and served the Pay and Accounts office. He was transferred to Mumbai from Ujjain on a 3-year deputation. They were a family of 4, Uncle, Aunt, Karthik, their teenage son and Karthik’s Grandma.
They were a perfect family. Uncle was an absolute gentleman, and aunt was very homely. Aunty would regularly enquire about me and ask if I needed anything. Even if I refused, she would surely send something or the other to eat. She was like a mother to me, and I miss her even today.
Karthik and I became good friends and would spend a lot of time studying together, watching TV, and even talking about girls. We were thick as thieves. Karthik would even sleep over at my place at night. It was always Maniamma and me only, and now occasionally Karthik.
Chandrika afternoons, as I called them, were very private, and I took them very seriously. I would ensure that I am not disturbed when I was with Kabir, Shashi and now my new paramour Feroze (Khan).
It was very important that Chandrika spend quality time with her fictional lovers and satisfy their male libido. For Chandrika, it was her calling. I had now ‘matured.’ I started to wear normal sarees and mom’s salwars apart from the Amrapali dress that I had almost perfected.
Maniamma started leaving the housekeys with Sharadha Aunty instead of carrying them home. Maniamma would sometimes finish the whole day’s work and not turn up at night. I would study late nights and had Karthik for company. We were like one family
Let me stop talking about Chandrika here and talk about Karthik for a change. I am sure you all have already figured it out by now. But nevertheless
Karthik was a typical Tam Brahm, studious, religious, honest and dedicated to the core.
Like his father, he aspired to be a Chartered Accountant with the sole aim of starting his consultancy firm. He was a hardworking, non-assuming bloke and would spend as much time with his books as possible. Karthik and I would study together on some days of the week.
It helped both of us to stay focused on our goals. Now, Karthik was like any other normal guy next door, bespectacled, average and not the type girls would turn around for a second look. He did confide in me that he liked a girl in his class.
But she wouldn’t take him seriously and that it would never have worked out for him. Poor chap, but as I said, he had bigger ambitions than sulk over lost love. He would make an ideal Husband.
On one Friday, I decided to reward myself with a Chandrika afternoon. I spent the day thinking about the man with who I wanted to be in bed. He unleashed his sexual energies on and inside me. Guess who turned up on the list? Jackie, it was.
I remember him as a sex symbol. I fantasized about how he was crazy for me and wanted to make love. I reached home and started preparing for Jackie. I decided to wear one of my mom’s authentic Kerala single-piece saree, a nice off-white cotton saree with a light blue border.
This was going to be a long afternoon. I really wanted to reward myself for the academic effort I had put in that week. I fantasied about Jackie getting impatient and wanting to ravage my body that very instant. I was dressing, and I, for one, wasn’t going to give it to him that easily. So I took my time.
I washed myself up nice and clean and got down to wearing the saree. I paired it up with the Amrapali blouse for reasons you are all aware of. The tingle down the spine. I was almost ready, and just as I put the bindi on my forehead. I could hear the main door being opened.
I am the super careful type. I remembered that I had locked the door from inside, OR did I. I just stayed put, confident that the door was locked from the inside and went on with finishing up the dressing.
“Karthik! How did you…?” that was my reaction, shivering in my legs as I started to sweat. Karthik was standing right in front of me, staring at me. He looked me up from top to bottom as if he had seen a ghost. That’s when I realized.
In my excitement to be with Jackie, I had forgotten to latch the door from inside, an extremely rare mistake. He was stunned and speechless. The only thing he asked me was, “Aashish, what’s going on?” It was game over.
Both of us couldn’t and wouldn’t speak for a full 10 minutes. I was embarrassed about being caught red-handed in the act. Karthik was visibly upset with me. He walked out of the bedroom and went straight to the living room. In my urgency to justify myself, I followed him out.
We couldn’t look each other in the eye. But I knew I owed him an explanation. I picked up a water bottle to get a gulp and settle myself down. I could hear my heartbeat like a roaring drum, but I knew it had to be done. I had to tell Karthik about this and how it all started.
We are both normal boys, and masturbation is not a medical abnormality. I knew he would understand. In fact, it is healthy. I mustered up the courage and told him where it all began and how it had come. As I confessed and opened up, Karthik and I looked into each other’s eyes.
It was a mature dialogue between the two of us. I had a long story to tell. After about an hour or so, Karthik asked me to stop. He had only one question at the end of it, “Is it really necessary that you dress?”
That was a toughie. I knew that the answer to that question could have implications and interpretations. But having already opened up to him, I told him that I wanted it this way. Dressing up helped me get a better kick out of it.
It was soon followed by the next question, “Aashish, do you like men?” I honestly admitted to it as “YES, I do.” Karthik, the gentleman he is, did not speak anything negative about the incident.
But what he told me still lingers in my mind. “Aashish, you are my Best friend, and I wont judge you for what happened today. You can rest assured that this will be a secret between us. But starting today, you and I need to define our boundaries and respect that.”
To me, that sounded like the closing argument in a court case about our friendship. I told him that I respected his opinion and would honor my word. Karthik walked off that afternoon, and I would never meet him again for close to 10 days.
I knew he was hurt by my act, even though it had nothing to do with him. Those were very difficult days. I missed my friend and wanted him back to go back to how it was before he caught me with my hand in the cookie jar. I kept wondering why such a private act of mine would hurt him so much?
I would wait for a knock on the door. Either his or mine, so that I can talk to him. But nothing! It was the end of our friendship. I guess Chandrika, too, was depressed with the turn of events.
It was time to focus on my studies, which I did. It was more than 2 weeks since I met or had even seen Karthik. I did not dare to ask Sharadha Aunty about his whereabouts. I prepared for an all-nighter and was deep into my books. I heard a knock on the door.
Maniamma attended to the door, and to my pleasant surprise, it was Karthik. Maniamma casually enquired about his well-being and whereabouts since she had not seen him for a while. I could hear Karthik cooking up some excuses in Tamil to Maniamma.
Karthik walked straight to the bedroom and sat down on the bed right next to my study table. It appeared as if he had gotten over the Chandrika factor in our friendship. At least, that’s what I hoped and prayed for. To avoid any awkward situation, I started with the customary “I am sorry” line.
Karthik just sat there listening and didn’t utter a word. I explained my position. I explained that my sexual fantasies and how I chose to explore them were my private matter. It should not bother anyone else. As regards me being attracted to men, it was a role play in my mind with me being the woman in the fantasy.
It did not mean that I was gay. I was still attracted to the opposite sex, which wasn’t going to change. But Yes, my fantasies never had any woman in them excepting me. If that meant I might be exhibiting signs of being bisexual, then I can only accept that as my sexual orientation.
As I finished my statement, Karthik spoke, and that’s when I learned why he felt hurt. Karthik asked me why I had not shared this with him earlier, especially when we were close. He had, for some reason, concluded in his head that I was attracted to him.
Confessing my crossdressing crime and tilt towards men only meant I liked him. Karthik felt as if I had used him to be the man of my fantasy and that I was silently harboring sexual feelings for him.
Till that moment, in my wildest senses, the thought of Karthik being my lover never crossed my mind. I made it absolutely clear to him. It took me a while before he was convinced that I meant it. But the mind is fickle, and Chandrika’s mind now had a new character in her game.
Karthik shook my hand and left after a while. Our issues were patched, and we were back to normal. At least that’s what I convinced myself with. I am not sure what Karthik thought about that conversation.
But I was confused about why he thought I was attracted to him and used our friendship to satisfy my carnal desires of being sexually and emotionally associated with a man. Just as Karthik left, my mind got restless and enticed me to substitute everyone else with Karthik.
“God, What am I doing?! Why am I even thinking about Karthik? Am I really attracted to him?”
Karthik was now solely responsible for me abnormally thinking about him. The very reasons which hurt him were now compelling me to look at him in ways I never imagined. I had now entered a new, and I admit, exciting phase in my life.
This was not normal for me to be thinking of another boy emotionally or sexually. But I enjoyed the thought of falling in love for the first time. That too with another boy and the possibility of coming close to fulfilling my fantasies of being Chandrika.
Karthik had accidentally and unintentionally made me fall for him. Suddenly I felt like a woman trying to win the love of a man next door.
“This is never going to happen! Karthik is a straight guy, and Chandrika was never going to get close to him, forget about any sexual gratification.” That’s what my heart and mind kept telling me. But the devil in my mind still wanted me to continue to think about Karthik and woo him.
The future looked exciting. But that excitement was based on this extremely thin and impossible hope of Karthik reciprocating my moves.
That brings me to the end of this part. I know you all want to know what happened next. Please follow my posts, and I am sure you will fall in love with me. I will post the next part soon on how and what happened to us. Again this is the truth, and this is how it happened.
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Next Part: Chandrika and Karthik: Friends or Lovers?